A Narcissistic Collapse… Can this miracle really happen?
So… you’ve been on the ‘hell-on-earth’ co-parenting rollercoaster with your narcissist ex for what feels like two lifetimes.
I’m sure you’re feeling much older than you are, you don’t sleep well, you lack energy, and you are sick to death of being made to feel insane over your parenting decisions and life choices. And worst of all, is that sick gut feeling you get every time the ‘Narc’ goes out of their way to punish you by deliberately stopping your child from doing something, then blaming you for their prohibition actions.
Being locked into the Devil’s personal horror funhouse, because you have kids together, means your calendar is full of cyclical negatively intimate moments that very few of your family, friends or colleagues get to witness. Unfortunately, the family law system doesn’t recognise the majority of this vexatious behaviour as domestic violence either. They see it as ‘conflict.’ Utter bullshit, if you ask me.
Every day you cling to dear hope they are going to miraculously change. You pray your ex will finally just let all the years of crap go, and especially… let you go - mentally, physically, financially, and spiritually. The miracle being.. they realise their relationship isn’t with you any longer, it should have stopped years ago, their relationship should be with their child and doing everything in their power including sacrificing, to give their child the best life possible.
Can the narcissist truly collapse? I need to point out here that I am not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, I’ve been a revenge obsession for a long time and I speak to a lot of people who have a Narcissistic ex and all our co-parenting experiences are very similar.
Narcissists seemingly swan through their life being charming and confident, and without a real care in the world. They show no empathy or remorse for their trail of human destruction, chaos and heartache left in their wake. If you are their revenge obsession, nothing appears to be able to cease their unstoppable march towards your annihilation.
There is hope… a Narcissistic Collapse is not a myth. Some might call it Karma, others a mental breakdown, or a hibernation period.
I have personally watched this process unfolding with utter amazement as I believed it could never happen. It becomes increasingly probable after a long period of time, with a mix of events occurring to an aging Narcissist and it happens like a semi-fast waterslide when the dominos start to fall. So, if your ex is currently a young adult in their 20’s or 30’s, unfortunately you’ll probably be waiting a very long time.
Look out for these types of life events ….
The gap between their false and real self closes so much so that they can’t maintain the charade. This needs significant time and age, i.e. their looks catch up with them big time! So, in their 40’s and by their 50’s all the players in their make-believe world have eventually seen the light, become so pissed off and steer clear entirely. They have no friends, no influence, they’re now not physically attractive and their own family would rather not take their calls.
Then there’s the Narc’s children who wake up one day, after yet another ruined activity or abusive event by their Narc parent - they turn off their unconditional love for that parent. I have been present when a child was forced to leave a social interaction with family not seen in years after just 5 minutes of play due to the Narc’s need for control and to isolate their pawns. This child, for apparently the first time said, “I finally hate my ###! I’m so sick of missing out on everything.”
This is the beginning of the end for the Narc’s relationship with their child. These children eventually walk away when they are old enough from their Narcissistic parent. Most for good, with no second thought to revisit the connection.
I know of another child who hasn’t spoken to their Narcissistic parent in 6 years. They were 16 when the child made up their mind about who loved them and who really cared for them between the mum and the dad.
The Narc is finally left with no-one. It could be at this point that they might realise they were the toxic one, not their labelled ‘crazy’ exes.
The Narc could have a mental breakdown or major health scare which unfolds for you into a collapse of their focus way from you. Hopefully, you do not feel bad when your heart jumps for joy at this event. This is the universes way of a stress release, others may refer to it as Karma.
If the light bulb moment does not happen here, a run in with the law or maybe a Judge’s scathing remarks and warnings, or they are really hurt in their hip pocket defending themselves against police prosecution, or they are criminally charged by a Magistrate can all cause a Narcissistic collapse.
Lastly if the Narcissist loses their key sources of narcissistic supply… like you just stop doing everything that makes them attack you, you go cold, no communication…this forces a state like a hibernation. They may be stewing, but you’re not consumed and chasing your tail. Try to do this for as long as you can.
Keep in mind, a Malignant Narcissist rarely retreats for any length of time.
But a collapse is a collapse, and my advice is …. Enjoy it when it happens. Don’t feel sorry for them at all!