• McKenzie Friend Australia

Family Law…the scales of love and hate

A hot topic in Australia now is the joint parliamentary enquiry into the family law system. Our Prime Minister said the review would look at whether the current system is fit for purpose. Ms Hanson the Deputy Chair has loudly proclaimed women all lie in the family court. This notion is utterly ridiculous.

It is my opinion there are revenge cases brought in the family court. The obsessive Ex wants the leaving partner to be punished or tormented. The ‘obsessor’ believes the leaving partner deserves to be harmed for perceived ‘wrongs’. They don’t love the ex-partner anymore; hate drives the obsession to wreak continuing damage to the ex-partner’s life. They will even pursue avenues of revenge that harm their own children. I personally have labelled this ‘Negative Intimacy’ as intimate knowledge is twisted and used against the ex-love for purely destructive purposes.

For those of you who have not faced proceedings in the family court or believe Ms Hanson speaks the truth then, take a seat, get a latte and get ready to read, reflect, learn, and listen about a dangerous individual not acknowledged within the family court system – the narcissist who is so good they make the person telling the truth look insane and a liar.

If you have been targeted for social destruction by an obsessed ex, understand you are in social, moral, physical, and spiritual danger.

Victims facing negative intimacy are typically trapped in an endless nightmare of a high conflict. Despite making every attempt to have as little as humanly possible to do with the ex in the hopes they will get on with their own life and find happiness elsewhere, the targeted ex is persistently hunted.

Truly, the revenge-obsessed ex will recruit new romantic interests. Every disgruntled or rejected suitor who they know failed to create and maintain a happy, healthy friendship, business partnership, or romantic relationship will be hunted down and grilled for personal information about you. Every single person they can find to help them create drama and make pain for their ex will be used as a punishment tactic — more so if the only thing they are guilty of doing is trying to escape.

For an obsessed ex or jealous new partner of an obsessed ex, mobbing tactics of Narcissistic Abuse are typically employed.

Tactics include smear campaigning, gaslighting friends and family into believing the aggressor is actually the victim, telling tales about mental instability of the targeted ex in order to ensure if they ever decide to talk and report abuse [to family, friends, or the authorities] that the well has already been poisoned, and worse. They go out of their way to convince anyone who will listen to them that their preferred scapegoat target is delusional, a lair, malevolent, insanely jealous of them, and out to socially harm or destroy them, too.

Showing zero respect for the people in their own lives by lying and maliciously defaming their ex (making up stories, spinning revisionist history tales, and flatly lying about anything and everything they can daydream up to frustrate, hurt, confuse, and embarrass a target), the more extreme their narcissistic personality disorder, the longer such games will appeal to them to play.

A target need do nothing but breathe to cause narcissistic injury. The stress on targeted victims is overwhelming.

For instance, a woman I have recently read about was stalked and hunted pervasively by the paternal grandparents of her child. Their goal was to win or take custody in the family court of their grandchild by any means. The woman eventually became so overwhelmed with PTSD, she “gave up” — signing away her custody rights.

The grief she endured after that — being tortured by cyberbullying, phone calls at all hours, having people show up constantly to make threats to her if and when she started getting her life together and could have provided a great home for the child, having people call her friends, family, and employers to badmouth her while poisoning the well and smear campaigning in an effort to undermine her social credibility and cap her potential financially; and being followed (sometimes for days, sometimes for weeks) by obvious and menacing private investigators… the grief she endured was (in her own words) “completely debilitating…” and “overwhelming.”

Finally — as a direct result of the stress and adrenaline fatigue (from being forced to live for nearly three decades as a victim), her body gave out. The woman died of cancer, leaving several other children without their mother and all the kids (including the child the grandparents stole) permanently victimised by the birth father’s family’s "entitlement issue inspired” treachery.

What would cause the grandparents in such a case to continue to target the victim for abuse despite the very real fact they already had custody of the “property” they sought to own — namely, the specific Golden Child they sought to keep for themselves. The answer is so simple and unemotionally charged, most people cannot functionally wrap their minds around the concept.

The reason why people with the narcissist continue to stalk, hunt, and terrorize victims in the discard pile long after the “war” is over is because — bottom line — it’s in their nature.

Targets find themselves entangled in the craziest, ugliest, mind-blowing, mean-spirited, down right dirty, underhanded smear campaigns. Narcissistic predators with anti-social ethics do tremendous harm socially to all society even when they target one for social and emotional annihilation (as in the case of the woman whose mind, body, and spirit were so broken she finally died from a stress-related illness).

Targets only need to do two things to infuriate a narcissist stalker – Exist and Breathe.

The family court needs to learn to spot the red flags and warning signs of extreme narcissistic abuse happening in the lives of the families before it. Family Court experts need to know the patterns and signs to pick up on a narcists in the courtroom and who their victim is from underlying mental health stress indicators. A narcissist will show no empathy or remorse in their actions, they have mental instability in their backgrounds and dysfunctional childhoods containing abuse.

Since it’s a relatively new field of study with scientific research and primary source stories just starting to emerge in academic social circles, if you have been targeted pervasively by an angry ex, be careful in the family court as you will be the one looking flaky and telling fibs because the court sees a charismatic, intelligent, together person on the other side.

Affidavits showing repeated allegations of abuse or suspicious activity covering emotional, physical, and psychological drama are a predictive timestamp, not a bunch of lies, as Ms Hanson wants the enquiry to believe because of her tainted personal views.

A narcissist will never ever change and therefore it is not in the best interest of the child or the parent who is the victim to be court sanctioned into co-parenting with a dangerous domestic abuser hell bent on utter annihilation of their Ex.

If you are in the family court for a parenting dispute facing a narcissist on the other side, please be careful. Contact Christine Lynas at McKenzie Friend on 0466 889 199 to help if you are self-represented as I believe you.

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