• McKenzie Friend Australia

The tragic human destruction being ignored in family law parenting cases

Did you know the brain can’t stop thinking about abuse causing more damage to a victim’s biochemistry when final parenting orders force co-parenting?

A victim who has been targeted for negative intimacy attacks designed to upset, distort and destruct should be alarmed for their safety and wellbeing when in family court proceedings against such an obsessed ex-partner.

Before getting critical about why a victim - “can’t let things go”, realise whoever spruiks this, is not only profoundly not in the victim's corner, they are socially abusing a PTSD patient. This is what the family court system does to victims of a narcissist who are fighting to protect themselves and their children. They put in place equal shared responsibility with equal time or significant and substantial time ensuring continued abuse because they will not take the time to have real experts diagnose personality disorders such as a malignant narcissist.

Family report writers often make statements such as they are “concerned about the parent’s inability to promote the relationship with the other parent” and “there is a risk around the parent’s overall functioning because of the toll events have taken on the parent.” Surely these types of statements make it clear there is something really wrong. Because it just isn’t normal, if both parents are stable people with no mental health or personality issues.

In essence, the obsessive parent, the family report writer or even the ICL are ‘bagging’ a person who is actually suffering PTSD with these types of statements to a Judge. Especially when it is their ex-partner who has mentally damaged the biochemistry of their victims’ brain through their ugly actions. Why is this type of destruction to a parent allowed in the family court?

A victim’s brain, scarred by multiple instances of trauma with C-PTSD, is likely to still be fixated on processing the threat well after family court is over.

Obsessing about abuse is normal and healthy — it’s how the body works through the process, grieves the loss of your intellectual innocence about whether or not real monsters in human bodies exist, and how you will eventually be able to use what you have learned to keep yourself safer.

The mind forms scars related to abuse. The bigger the trauma exposure or the greater the volume of paper cut style lesions, the more time the brain is likely to take to heal.

How do people end up developing C-PTSD so extreme that it’s left them feeling frozen in time, physically unable to escape your abuser in life? It is because their toxic self has taken up a ghostly presence and formed a lingering resonance of the echo of things they did and said to physically harm their biopsychology.

What is C-PTSD?

C-PTSD is a form of complex, conditioned PTSD, a medical condition that leaves victims physically suffering from extreme stress illnesses, neurological and biochemical damage related to repeated exposure to trauma, and intense social anxiety caused directly by exposure to a toxic person.

The victim has an injury that has become so intense that they cannot unfeel the feelings or unshake the notion that horrible things happened to them and that they remain physically powerless to stop it. That’s terrifying — even the concept that you cannot protect yourself from social or physical harm?

Furthermore, the mind notices horrors. Until it’s allowed to process the trauma exposure in a meaningful way and to physically be allowed to escape the profoundly anti-social and toxic environment, C-PTSD will increase — never abate.

That’s what domestic abuse and domestic violence victims suffer — the hopeless feeling, knowing as long as they physically stay in social communication with the people prone to mistreating, neglecting, and abusing their hospitality that life will never improve and abuse will never abate.

Did you know ex’s prone to using negative intimacy towards their ex-lover will generally identify with a Cluster B personality disorder? Furthermore, they show up on a brain scan with a neural suppression or flatline related to empathy. They lack the neurological ability to process the world around them and social stimuli using native social and emotional intelligence. Cluster B refers to the DSM5 diagnostic criteria classification for NPD, BPD, ASPD, and HPD. In some ways, these predators are evolutionarily superior to other humans as they lack the neurological ability in their physical brain to take in and process horrifying information. In other words, the Narcissist is a human robot with high intelligence but no feeling. They cripple with no remorse and believe they have done no wrong.

Healthy human beings try to avoid abuse. They avoid dishing it out and if someone or something is likely to traumatise them if and when they interact, the smartest among us are mindful to avoid them. Avoiding abuse is intelligent self-care socially, emotionally, and physically. This is a big reason why say a mother does not give up her fight when a narcissist ex-spouse takes her into the family court swinging the sword for full custody of their children.

On average 24 -36 months is the base time one needs to physically stop talking and seeing their perpetrator of negative intimacy. To have the fight or flight mechanisms disengage needs absolute removal from the obsessive ex. So how does a suffering victim do this when they are court ordered to co-parent closely with their abuser through family court orders?

Many people in the family court system are there battling it out through the soul-destroying process because they are asking for the Judge to give them permission to eliminate contact with the person who harmed them and inadvertently their children on purpose.

The Australian family court system unfortunately does not see it this way, and often the defence side will call it parental alienation demanding the children be taken off the very parent being abused. The family report writer will flippantly write something, like – “the mother/ father has no insight into how damaging the proposal is which seeks the ex-spouse has limited time with the children. It is extreme and not in their best interests.”

OMG – yes it is! These people have no idea of the long-term damage to the children and the victimised parent of being forced into a continued intimate relationship with a narcissist.

Due to the censorship laws in the family law legislation these types of cases and what eventually happens to the C-PTSD victims are never brought to light.

I know of a case where a psychiatrist wrote a letter to the Judge requesting protection from the perpetrator “or else he is concerned his patient is likely to become extremely ill.” The Judge refused to accept the letter into evidence, 5 months later the victim’s brain shut down leaving them in a coma state and their heart flatlined. Luckily this person was revived. The medical thread of thinking / diagnosis – severe levels of stress causing extreme biochemical changes to the brain and nervous system by being exposed to long term conflict. This person’s T2 brain cells, 10 years after becoming the victim in their thirties now looks like an elderly person’s MRI scan with so many white matter hyperintensities (WMH) lesions on their T2’s that it has been deducted they have had more than 12 mini strokes due to extreme stressors. Further negative results for this victim to cope with the rest of their life are memory loss, regular head and back pain and slower thought processing.

In some cases, I believe parenthood needs to be dissolved in the family court because someone’s life within the family unit can depend on it.

All the family report writers, barristers, lawyers and Judges who play a major part in the lives of the families in front of the family court do not have a clue about the difficulties a parent and children face in this find of negative intimacy structure both before and after parenting orders. I bet they have never experienced anything like this personally in their own lives. What’s in books is nothing to real life. Ask me - McKenzie Friend - helping people who have no other support  - 0466 889 199.

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